boy...

thank you for all the joy and pain... i love you still!

happy birthday mom! *muah*

Today, on your 50th birthday, I pray that you will always be in the pink of health; more birthdays to come; less worries; peace of mind; a good night sleep every night; strength to surpass all the trials in life (with me to back-up you, of course!); and caress to soothe your soul from your everyday tasks.

Thank you for all the time you have spent on taking good care of me; for waking me up every morning so I won't be late for school or work; for preparing my breakfast so I will keep healthy; for giving me cellphone loads; for always giving me a hand everytime I need a help; for all the "sermons" and "pagsasabon ng walang banlaw" so I won't do the same mistakes again; for teaching me to be a good girl (..hehe!)..; and most especially for being my friend! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I AM PROUD TO HAVE YOU AS MY MOM!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH MOMMY KO!!

he loves me?... he loves me not?

He LOVES mE? hE LoVes mE nOt? He LovEs mE? hE LoVes mE Not? he LOVES me? He LovEs me nOT? He LoveS me? He lOveS mE noT? he LOves Me? hE lOVEs mE nOt? He LOVES mE? hE LoVes mE nOt? He LovEs mE? hE LoVes mE Not? he LOVES me? He LovEs me nOT? He LoveS me? He lOveS mE noT? he LOves Me? hE LOvEs mE nOt? he LOves Me? hE LOvEs mE nOt? he LOves Me? hE LOvEs mE nOt? ... DO YOU LOVE ME?

if you see me

If you see me
walking down the road with someone else
it's not because I like his company..
it's because you're not brave enough
to walk beside me.

If you hear me
talking about him all the time
it's not because he pleases me..
it's because you're too deaf
to hear my heartbeat.

If you feel me
falling for someone new
it's not because I love him..
it's because you're not there
to catch me if I fall.

If you feel lost
I, too, am nowhere
I, too, don't know
where this road is taking me..
are we going to cross each other's path
or just completely turn around?
until we just let go of what we had
or to go to a place where love is bound.

Don't let me walk with him
it's you I want to walk with..
don't let me talk with him
it's you I want to talk with..
don't let me fall for him
'cause it's you I want to fall in love with..

zZzzZzzzzzz

tulog ang pusa from 3:30 am till 7:00 pm!

not again..

It is saturday again...

Today's my most unwanted day. I won't see him for two days. Sigh! How I wish I could be with him 24/7, ang saya siguro nun - asa pa ko! (sigh.. sigh.. sigh..) I put on my "almost single" shirt today and as expected, most of my colleagues asked me, "what's with that shirt?", I just gave them a grin for an answer. And when he saw me on this shirt, he also asked me also why. I told him, "Cute noh?". He then just smile.

Two of my colleagues have read one of my posts. They told me that they felt the story. It was not just a simple story. It is his story. His story that made me, somehow, strong, loving, longing and... hurting. But I don't consider it a doldrums since in some way it help me to be what I am now. May, thanks for the comforting words and for the advices. Don't worry about me, I am just keeping my faith because I know He has a better way.

That's all I can share with you for now. I am not in the sane state of mind to share with you what is really within me. It's time for me to take some meditation after a tiring week - time for me to stop thinking about soOoo many things that once made me weak. Happy weekend everyone!



God's plans are better than ours, that's why God does not always say yes to every word we say. Sometimes He says, "My child, allow me. I have a better way."

are you?

a-not-to-me

My friend...

You have -

      a head, but doesn't think right
      eyes, but don't see light
      nose, but only smells danger
      mouth, but speaks just lies
      shoulders, but never to lean upon
      arms, but nobody can hold on
      hands, that were keep closed
         never had been shared and
         never lent a help
      feet, but don't take any step
      heart, but wasn't true
         instead as dark as night
      life, but you choose to be dead...

My friend...

You wasted all -

      Yes, you're complete but useless!

i think of you

When i see the silver morning
and I get so awfully quiet
I think of you..
I think of you when I'm silent
I dream of you even when I'm awake..
For when silence encloses me
and I'm sad for a moment
Words are left hanging from my tongue
and scribbling on a white sheet of paper..
I let myself go..
I think of you.. if you must know..

back to square one

I was planning to avoid him and forget all about my feelings simply because what we're having is wrong - definitely wrong. I am not saying that loving him is a big mistake. It's just that he already have someone. Yes, and it always makes me feel guilty everytime I think of his girl. I even have dreamt of her even I have not seen her in person. I tried hard not to send him sms or IM messages, but I failed. I can't! I just can't let go of this feeling! I love him so much but I don't want to bring up any trouble between him and his girl. The song "constantly" is playing right now (I've been playing this song for the nth time especially everytime I'm at the office). Again, all my plans are now undone. Rather, my plans will always be "plans". And when he said "Uwi na tayo?" - I know I am back to square one. Back to do what we used to do, to have what we used to have and to be what we used to be.

I love you baby! I pray that one morning, I will be waking up happily because things are into where they should be.

i really do!

I LOVE MY KING!

he did it again

It's almost 4 o'clock in the morning and I still can't get some sleep. Sigh! How can I get him out of my mind? Can you tell me how? Everything's going way out of hands. I seem to be lost even if I know where I should be. Everything's changed now, he's not the man I've known few months ago. Or it is just because he feels lost too?

natawa na lang daw ako

CONSTANTLY

I knew it was there
Though I tried to hide it
The feeling just kept on shining through
Haven't known you that long
So I try to deny it
But the feeling was much too
Much too strong

Could this be love, deep down inside
Tearing me apart, I feel it in my heart

Constantly, you're on my mind
Thinking about you all the time
I can't sleep no matter what I do
I just keep on thinking 'bout you

Why do I feel this way?
When I know you have someone
That you're seeing each and everyday
Should I play this game of just being your friend?
When I know that's not where I want it to end

How could this be wrong?
When the feeling's so strong
Tearing me apart I feel it in my heart

No I don't want to start no trouble
Between you and I and your lover
But I must tell you what I'm going through
Everytime you walk by I see love in your eyes


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I was waiting for some officemates when I heard this song. And it was funny that every word in here is exactly what I am feeling right now. "Natawa na lang ako when I read the lyrics and realized that this song is, somehow, my story. It is only fantasy that can bring him close to me and that fantasy speaks no hope.='(

??????????

i am letting go . . .





can i . . . ?

my teddy bear

In your new life, I hope you will still be able to have fun at your work. I know this would be hard for you because you will be out of the country for some time. I am sure you will miss us as much as we will do. But then, just try to think of all our happy moments together so you will not feel alone.

Sabs, thank you for all the wonderful moments we've had. Thank you for sharing you time with me especially when I feel lost. I am grateful I met a sweet soul like you. You're such a jolly person and rascal at the same time. Brutal ka man, mabait ka pa din. You are you, no pretentions at all! Sana hindi mo ako makalimutan. Don't worry, I'll keep you updated :p

. . .

to sign or not to sign?

This morning, HRD personnels went to our office to have our signing contract for associate tenure. It was actually their contract signing since I was a month late from my batchmates because of some unavoidable reasons. Everyone was really excited and anxious at the same time. They've been waiting to know how much their salary increase would be. We are the pioneer batch of this project and we expect for something possible this time even though we got frustrated for a lot of times. But as anticipated, not all were satisfied with their increase rates and annual evaluations. Others even thought of having an unfair treatment from their supervisor, they're telling that they were evaluated unjustly.

Somehow, I felt for them especially for the auditors who have been rendering overtime just to finish their reports; sitting eight hours or more a day just to finish with their audits; and exerting extra efforts to guide those new comers. While some other associates, though working on time, spent their extra time on surfing and chatting. It is truly unfair! We didn't even got any recognition for being a part of the advanced team who handles sensitive cases. What happened is, it didn't matter if you were a part of the advanced team, auditors' or lesser sensitive cases. I am a part of the advanced team and now I don't feel the sense of belongingness anymore. What's the use of being a part of this team if I will be receiving the same recognition as with others who don't even know how hard we've went through just to be here? I need recognition! I was not surprised when I heard that some didn't accept the offer for tenure because of these unjustly evaluations and absurd treatments. And I will not get surprise if one day I will see one of my batchmates working in another company.

three things

3 names you go by:
> kristel (friends)
> kitty (brods and sis)
> yeye (family)

3 screen names you have had:
> krisha (highschool days)
> destiny_karma (romeo)
> kitty (triskelion)

3 physical things you like about yourself:
> eyes (expressive)
> tummy and waist (sexy daw :p)
> arms and shoulders (firm)

3 physical things you don't like about yourself:
> nose (not too pointed, not too flat)
> legs (I only stands 5'3)
> feet (fat, sometimes I have a hard time getting a comfy footwear)

3 parts of your heritage:
> Pinoy
> Chinese
> Spanish (daw)

3 things that scare you:
> to die without being able to give my family the life I wanted them to have
> unfinished tasks
> suppression

3 of your everyday essentials:
> praying the rosary (See? I've told you, i am a good girl!)
> making sure that I can have a good night sleep at the end my day
> telling him that I love him

3 of your favorite musical artists:
> Mariah Carey
> Raymond Usher/Alicia Keys
> Ogie Alcasid/Regine Velasquez

3 of your favorite songs:
> Butterfly (Mariah Carey)
> Iris (Goo Goo Dolls)
> Kung Wala Ka (Hale)

3 things you want in a relationship:
> trust and love
> respect
> God-centered

3 lies and truths in no particular order:
> lies:
------- "I love you!"
---------- "I can't live without you."
------------- Everything is possible.
> truths:
---------- The truth really hurts.
------------- God is the answer to every question you have.
---------------- It feels good to be in love.

3 physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
> eyes
> fingers and toes
> legs

3 of your favorite hobbies:
> reading
> sharing stories with my pals
> eating (hehe!)

3 things you want to do really badly now:
> get a BETTER job!
> be with him
> treat my mommy and tatay in a spa then buy them clothes then have them booked in five star hotel

3 careers you're considering/you've considered:
> photography
> lawyer (still hoping..)
> a loving wife and mother (hehe..)

3 places you want to go on vacation:
> Paris (with my family)
> Palawan (with friends)
> Anywhere (with him)

3 kid's names you like:
> kristianne ily
> mikaela
> angel

3 things you want to do before you die:
> to win a million in a lottery and give the winnings to street children
> to give my family the kind of life I wanted them to have (major "to do")
> to say sorry and thank you

3 ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
> has a decision to stand on
> responsible
> acts, talks, decides like a REAL man

3 ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
> always in love
> gaga over shoes, bags and clothes
> loyal and trustworthy

3 celeb crushes:
> George Clooney (eyes, lips)
> Winona Ryder/Derek Ramsey (fresh looking)
> Jennifer Garner (sporty yet seductive)

emotera mode

BUTTERFLY

When you love someone so deep that they become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage to be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will lead you back to me
When you're ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly
So flutter through the sky
Butterfly.. fly
Spread your wings and fly..
Butterfly

he's in love

It's been a month since the last time I saw him. He stops calling me, he rarely sends me sms. And now I know why, he met a girl at school whom he'd shared his problems. She likes him I can tell. She shares in his pains and tears that I caused him when I left him two months ago. I know I hurt him and that gave me sleepless nights. I guess he's starting to like her as well. I actually feel he's already fallen for her. And all that is left for me to do is to pray for him to be happy with her.

He might be in love, what can I say? I just pray that he had forgiven me for all my mistakes and shortcomings.

Ry, I know I hurt you and I am really sorry. I only did what is fair and what i think is right. I know upto now it is still hard for you to digest what I am really trying to tell you. Someday, you will know why; someday you will understand. I hope we can still be friends. And I hope that she will take good care and love you more than i did. Thank you for all the memories! Thank you for all the good and bad times we've shared. Ingat ka lagi, aral mabuti ha. Keep in touch. I will miss you!

on loving and hurting

"It is hard to fall for someone who is already taken, but sometimes you have to take the risk to fight for him. Not because you want to ruin their relationship but just because you have to fight for what you feel is right."

"almost single"

Sigh! I thought I could get a complete 8-hour sleep last night. But I woke up early, so I decided to come with my friend to greenhills. We looked for something to buy. My friend bought some shirts and a pair of shoes, I was not able to buy something because I was not in the mood to try on clothes that I found nice. We had a snack at KFC then we decided to go home. When we were at Legarda, I decided to go to SM Manila to look for a shirt that I was not able to get at Robinson's Galleria yesterday. Gladly, I found one. I really like that shirt because of its tag line - "almost single". It was really cute!!! My friends told me that that tag line suits me well. It made me think, "am I almost single?". I was saddened for a moment ='( it even made me cry but I didn't show them what I really felt that time.

Yes, I am almost single. Why? Simply because I am in love someone that I can't even call my boyfriend, I can't call him mine though we both love each other (that's what he used to tell me). But I am still glad that, somehow, I have him. I am happy at the same time hurting. It's complicated but I am happy with it. I am not contented with have we're having but I know don't completely have the right to ask him for something I know will be hard for him to do. Sigh! I guess, all I can do is to wait for the right time - to ask him to be mine and to have a real relationship or to tell him that I can no longer go on hurting someone and to end everything we've had. This may seem to be easy for me, but deep inside, I can't imagine leaving him. I can't just leave someone I love and loves me as well. Not unless he tells me to. Sigh! (Again and again and again..) Back to the shirt I bought at American Boulevard, I am glad I already have this one.

I am single..almost single!

while i still care

I came early at the office this morning with the hope of having a good day this time around. My day started out just fine. Just a few numbers of claims to do, I was able to finish my work before system downtime. I checked on my mails, I've got the usual mails from yahoo groups and stuffs and few messages from some friends. We had our lunch at McDonald's. We saw STAR team wave 2 there. Me and my teammates from PG-IMAGE weren't able to join others in playing bingo because we had a talk with our two supervisors. Everything had gone well not until he told me that he got a sms from her telling him that she'll be coming to the office. That means that he can't be with me. I was saddened by the fact that there's nothing I can do but to come home alone. I didn't say a word after he told me that. He asked if I was angry, I said I am not which is true. Hours later, I just found out that he had left office without minding to bid me goodbye. I was hurt for that simple reason. So instead of coming home early, I phoned my mom and told her that I'll be coming home late.

I spent time with my friends. We went to Robinson's Galleria and had our dinner there then to Shangri-La and then to Metrowalk. It was tiring yet fun. But all that time, my mind was busy thinking of him. I was still hurt. I stayed out late because I don't want to come home and get myself with the thoughts of him. While we were at Metrowalk, he sent me a sms - "I love you" he said. I wanted to cry my heart out as I read that message. He keeps on telling me that he loves me, but he keeps on hurting me as well. I am not certain if he knew it but yes, he hurt me. He hurt me a lot of times. I actually had enough and yet I am not mad at him even a bit. I can't, simply because I love him. You may call me stupid, but that's me. I don't get mad at someone I love. So it would be very rarely that I will get mad at him. But it doesn't mean that I will not get tired of all the pains and sleepless nights. I just pray that He will answer my prayers while I still care.

uncertainties

Again, I had a hard time getting a good night sleep last night. But this time, I was thinking of something else. I've been thinking of looking for a "better job". Regularization was discussed with us few days ago. And as expected, we all got dismayed and disappointed. It is a fact that the project I am working with is just a neophyte to healthcare industry but I didn't expect that they will let us feel that way. Knowing that we are the pioneers of this project, the concerns seemed to be reluctant to help us and get us motivated. How far can Php 0,000.00 can go?

On my way home, he was with me just like what we used to do. He held my hand, he gave me his sweetest smile and he kissed me goodbye before he got off the train. Very sweet if you would imagine seeing us. I am not telling that you're lying everytime you're telling me sweet nothing but I pray that these were all heartfelt because I don't want to live in a world of lies. But then, I still wish that I could be with him in my dreams tonight. Sigh!

never.. if

Never say I love you
if you really don't care.
Never talk about feelings
if they aren't realy there.
Never hold a hand
if you mean to break a heart.
Never say you're going to
if you don't plan to start.
Never look into my eyes
if all you do is lie.
Never say hello
if you really mean goodbye.

I LOVE YOU! Three simple words, but these words can make a big change on you. It can even make your world go round. Believe me because I have experienced it and I am telling you, I am still experiencing it. I have known how powerful these words are. Though there were times I got hurt, I still choose to say and hear these words from my family, friends and especially from my special someone.

"I love you" has a lot of meaning. Someone says i love you just as an alternate to "thank you" for doing him a favor or for being nice; to tell a person that he is important; etc. But it is mostly used to let a person know that your heart is beating for him. Others may find so easy to say these words but for me, it is not. I don't say i love you for the sake of just answering if someone tells me that he loves me. I'll say i love you if I really feel that someone in my heart - if I can say that my heart beats for him. I don't say i love you without checking first my real feelings because telling someone i love you that is not from the heart can hurt him like hell. Don't tell someone i love you if you're not 101 percent sure of your feelings. DON'T MAKE SOMEONE BELIEVE IN SOMETHING THAT IS NOT TRUE. And if you really love him, fight for that feeling. Don't let anything hinders you from showing him your affection because life is too short. You never know, it might be too late for you to love him.

And for you, I will say it for the nth time - I LOVE YOU! I really do! You know that because I have proven you my love. You know that I wouldn't do anything that might hurt you. I believe, everyone can tell how much I love you. How about you? Was it for real when you told me you love me more than anyone else? If your answer is yes - then why don't you prove it to me? And if your answer is no - thanks anyway for all the pains that you might cause me.

tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'cause I know I just can't stay
here in heaven...

Time can bring you down,
time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart,
have you begging please...
begging please.

Beyond the door
there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
tears in heaven...

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven...


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was 1st of July when he told that he has to go home. There was no one to drive his nephew to hospital, it was an emergency then that he failed to take his lunch for that day. An hour and a half later, he came back to office. He send me an IM telling me that we need to talk. I asked him why and what about. He just said, "It is something personal, I don't want to talk about it over YMessenger." So I reserved my questions until that said conversation. But I was not able to help myself, I asked him again what it is all about. Is it something about me, about us. When he said, "No baby, it is not about you. Please, wag kang mawawala. The pain is too much, baby I need you now.." I was really clueless why he was acting so strange that day, but I then decided to keep quiet.

I recieved an IM from him at exactly 3 o'clock telling me to come upstairs. When I saw him, I got surprised. He was frowning and his eyes were really sad which is so unusual. I didn't say a word until we reached Christ the King Parish at Diliman. He was focused driving our way there with teary eyed. I know he was just trying to hide his real emotion at that time to keep me at ease. Upon entering the church, he hold my hand and told me, "This church knows almost everything about me and my family." As we walked inside, he squeezed my hand then tears begun to fall. I still keep still. When we were inside, he seated next to me. As I was staring at the crucifix hanging at the middle of the church, he begun telling me what really made him cry.

And to my surprise, It was really hurtful. Then I know why he's really hurting. I almost cry but I try to keep the tears from falling. I don't want to add to his burden, I have to be strong for him. The reason of his grief - he lost his baby. It was actually more painful because he didn't even know that he's going to have a baby. And when he knew it, it was too late. Then he started questioning God why. He said something that touched my heart, "Baby, you know what.. When they told me about it, naisip agad kita. Gusto kita yakapin at iyakan." I was really touched. That made me realize that he badly needed me. I told him to stop questioning Him, instead try to keep his faith because there's a reason why He allowed it to happen - which is not to cause him pains and tears, but to make him stronger.

For a moment, I was just staring at him, wiping his tears. There's nothing I can do but to listen. I hugged him to make him feel that he is not alone - that his pain is also mine. I heartily felt sorry for him. He wasn't able to see his baby. It was so painful. I know he was hurt, surely he was and until now, I know he's still hurting.

Today is actually the 40th day. Forty days have passed and yet, the pain is still here. I know, I can feel the pain even from his voice. But somehow, I am glad because I know that an angel is now guiding him.

sometimes, life can be soOooo sad ='(

I had a hard time getting a good night sleep last night. Poor me! =( I am so sleepy right now. I slept only for two hours, and my head is now aching. Too many things came into my mind last night. Too many that it made me wide awake, lying down, crying the whole night. Why life is so hard to live? Why do I have these feelings that sometimes make me feel weak? For a moment, I thought I was strong enough to face all the trials, but I prove myself wrong. I am weak, and yes, I am!

My friends used to tell me that I am a tough woman, that I am strong to stand all trials - but why am I like this right now? Last night was one of the saddest parts of my life. I was down and alone. I was crying my heart out without making even a little hush because I don't want anyone to see me crying. Not because I am shy to let someone know but simply because I don't want anyone to get worried about me. I tried to be fair with my decisions. But why it seems I have done nothing good? Why do I need to get hurt this much when all I wanted is to be fair with everyone and be happy with the life I chose to live? God knows how I tried to live this life in any good way that I can, but still, here I am - hurting. Life has not been good to me, life is not that easy. I lost a good friend because I fell in love with someone; I can't give the kind of life that I wanted my family to have; I am in love with someone who said he loves me and yet he can't make a decision to stand with; I want to learn something new but I don't have enough time - there's so many things I wanted to do, so many questions left unanswered but there's so little time to make all these things possible and to have all the answers I am longing to hear.

I hate this feeling! I feel alone, suppressed and futile! But I won't let this feeling bring me down, I have to find a way to fight this feeling. I was once a strong woman, and I know, with His help, I can stand again. I will be strong for my family, for my friends, for the one I love..and for myself.


"You cannot always control what goes outside. But you can always control what goes inside." - Wayne Dyer

another tiring day!

First day of work, and as expected - another tiring day! Thanks to new IMAGE 3 peeps for helping us zeroing out the queues. =( My back is killing me. Sitting long hours really makes me sick. I think I should start looking for another job. Hmm? I might as well ask first my mom and some friends for an advice.

Sigh! I am still sick. But I still decided to come to work because I don't want to stay at home. Lying down the whole day? Whew, that's much tiring than my office work. Though I am tired, I am glad I came to work. I am again with my friends who know how to make me burst with laughter, to pissed me with their unendless "hirit" and of course, there's Alboi, Sabs and Ela - my favorite Neptune Devils. Tomorrow, surely will be another tiring day for me.

. . .

='( i am still sick!

i am sick =(

Thank God it didn't rain hard today. Why am I so thankful? Because I always feel depressed and lonely everytime it rains. I don't know why, maybe because I can't go out to see my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I miss my college days. I miss my college friends especially pauline (and her taray looks), arlene (and her jokes), christine (and her cat-like moves), divina (and her stutters), and belen (and her complicated lovelife). I miss you all, I hope to see you soon!

=( I am still sick today, and my shoulders are killing me. I hope by tomorrow I'll be fine. I want to go to Baclaran church, I wasn't able to go there last wednesday because I was too sleepy and tired that day. I was about to go there this morning when the rain pours down. And since I am not feeling well, I decided no to go. I don't want to risk my health, I know He understands. I want to go there just to say my thank you's for this week. Because this week was great. I had enough sleep, I was able to talked to some old friends and I had some time to be with my king. He's really sweet! Hmmm...I guess he just misses me. I miss you too baby! *giggle* I wish I could be with you right now so I could hold you and stare at you, just like what I used to do everytime that I am with you.

That would be all for today. I just hope tomorrow will be another good day for me.


"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility." - Oprah Winfrey

an open letter for "king"

Baby,

Time after time I wanted to tell you how much I love you, how much I value the real you, how much I am happy to be with you. Days have past, it's been three months since I revealed to you my real feelings. I know this would be complicated but I have decided to stay with you even if I don't know if any good will come out of my actions - simply because you love me and I love you too. I don't know what might happen next but I assure you that the feeling will remain the same.

As I am writing you this letter, I am just sitting here at one corner thinking of you and your lovely hair, your eyes that seems to be smiling at all times, your hands that I love to clench and that feels good with mine and your lips that makes me shiver. You might have put a spell on me, didn't you?

By the way, I have a poem in mind which I have read few years ago. Everytime I read this poem, it is you who keeps on coming through my mind. I think I can never dig you out my system. Here it goes..

Once in a lifetime,
you find someone
who touches not only heart
but also your soul.

Once in a lifetime,
you discover someone
who stands beside you and not over you,
who loves you for who you are
and not for who you could be.
Once in a lifetime,
if you're lucky
you'll find someone
as I have found YOU!

Words are not enough to tell you what I really feel, but words are only things that I can give you now because of some unavoidable circumstances between us. Baby, it won't do any harm if I remind you that you always have my heart. I never had a day without you in my mind, body and soul. Thank you for making my days brighter and happier. Thank you for making me feel special. I love you!

Please don't forget to take your vitamins, ok? Get enough sleep. Eat plenty. Keep me!

- i remain -

anxiety and happiness

:D I finished my work an hour before the system's down time. So I was able to have time to have a small talk with some members of our team that would be joining us in processing our product in few days time. Gladly they are good and smart enough to catch up with me and my partner. At last, new members are coming! I will no longer have overloaded work days.

A friend of mine is now in state of anxiety and vexation. I just hope he can be able to talk things over with her and regain their friendship that was once blissful and superb. Stay cool, keep your temper. You will get no benefit from angst or annoyance, you will just make yourself troubled and restless. Nothing much for today. But tomorrow is an important day for me - tomorrow you will know why.

yes, i am and i love him!

fairytale

Once upon a time, not long ago
There's a faraway place where fairies go
It's a place of kings and queens, where dragons dwell
Where magic is real, and so are wishing well.

There's a town of seven dwarfs and a cave of witches
The prince charming who kisses the beautiful princess
Don't you like to be in this fairytale land?
All your wishes would come true, just take my hand.

But where should I go, where is the way?
Where's the yellow brick road?
Where's the gallant knight? Where's the fountain of youth?
Where's the love I search for in this fairytale land?

I met scurvy head and passed singing rivers
I've been to scary places that make one shiver
I've traveled long, following the phoenix
Yet I can only find you, by an image on a creek.

So where should I turn to, who is there to ask?
Can Merlin tell me how to finish this ask?
Does the unicorn know where you can be found?
In this dream, I am in this fairytale ground.

Can we live together, happily ever after?
Can we share our love for each other?
Would you be my prince and I am your princess?
In this fairytale, where true love wins?

Once upon a time, not long ago
I caught a glimpse of you, since then I know
You're the prince of my dreams I found in fairytale land.
Yet in your dreams, you take another princess's hand.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It is really hard if your feelings are being suppressed ='( i can't show how much i love him because of unavoidable circumtances. My friends advised me to forget him and to try to hold back of what I feel. But I can't.. Sigh! My friend sent me a sms qoute which really made me cry - "IT'S HARD TO FALL FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY TAKEN, BUT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE RISK TO FIGHT FOR HIM..NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO RUIN THEIR RELATIONSHIP BUT JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU FEEL IS RIGHT." I have so many unanswered questions in mind, so many that even I don't know when and how to start asking or maybe I just don't have the guts. But I believe that He has His reasons why He let him be a part of my life. I don't know what those reasons are, but for now the only thing I am sure of is that I am in love.. Yes, I am and I love him..

afterall, today has been "one fine day"

Whew! I am late for work today, 1 min late to be exact. =/ How exasperating! Good thing there is nothing much for work today. I can have enough time to do my stuffs here and have some time to relax a bit. And there's my king who never fails to give me his sweetest smile. =)

I had a good night sleep last night. Maybe that is why I still have a smile on my face though I am really irked. It is not easy to get enough sleep especially if your mind is occupied with "soOoo" may things.

....Sigh! I have to go home now, I am still not done with some scripts and html's for this blog. I will just try to finish this some other day. I am already tired but I am still smiling because afterall, today has been "one fine day!".

to be near you

Are you just a habit
Or some kind of addiction
Can't seem to get you out of my system
What good have you done to me
Feels so stuck like glue
Turn the pages in my head if its only you

I don't care I would do anything to be near you
I would go anywhere to be near you
Just to be near you

Am I truly hopeless
Am I being pathetic
Are you even aware of my existence
Would mean everything to me
If you spend a little time
Could you give in to me with the least resistance

I don't care I would do anything to be near you
I would go anywhere to be near you
Just to be near you

I don't care I would go anywhere to be near you
I would do anything to be near you (3x)
I would do anything
I would go anywhere
To be near you
To be near you
I would do anything
Go anywhere
I don't care
I would do anything
Anything just to be near you

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

:D This is actually the first time that i'll be posting my blog. I was influenced by a dear colleague of mine alboi to join him in wasting hours over this stuff..hehe! Just kidding! I am not a pc person but i find this fun. In some way, this could probably help me express what is within me..nuts! :p