sometimes, life can be soOooo sad ='(

I had a hard time getting a good night sleep last night. Poor me! =( I am so sleepy right now. I slept only for two hours, and my head is now aching. Too many things came into my mind last night. Too many that it made me wide awake, lying down, crying the whole night. Why life is so hard to live? Why do I have these feelings that sometimes make me feel weak? For a moment, I thought I was strong enough to face all the trials, but I prove myself wrong. I am weak, and yes, I am!

My friends used to tell me that I am a tough woman, that I am strong to stand all trials - but why am I like this right now? Last night was one of the saddest parts of my life. I was down and alone. I was crying my heart out without making even a little hush because I don't want anyone to see me crying. Not because I am shy to let someone know but simply because I don't want anyone to get worried about me. I tried to be fair with my decisions. But why it seems I have done nothing good? Why do I need to get hurt this much when all I wanted is to be fair with everyone and be happy with the life I chose to live? God knows how I tried to live this life in any good way that I can, but still, here I am - hurting. Life has not been good to me, life is not that easy. I lost a good friend because I fell in love with someone; I can't give the kind of life that I wanted my family to have; I am in love with someone who said he loves me and yet he can't make a decision to stand with; I want to learn something new but I don't have enough time - there's so many things I wanted to do, so many questions left unanswered but there's so little time to make all these things possible and to have all the answers I am longing to hear.

I hate this feeling! I feel alone, suppressed and futile! But I won't let this feeling bring me down, I have to find a way to fight this feeling. I was once a strong woman, and I know, with His help, I can stand again. I will be strong for my family, for my friends, for the one I love..and for myself.


"You cannot always control what goes outside. But you can always control what goes inside." - Wayne Dyer