tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven...

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way through night and day
'cause I know I just can't stay
here in heaven...

Time can bring you down,
time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart,
have you begging please...
begging please.

Beyond the door
there's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
tears in heaven...

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you feel the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'cause I know I don't belong
here in heaven...


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It was 1st of July when he told that he has to go home. There was no one to drive his nephew to hospital, it was an emergency then that he failed to take his lunch for that day. An hour and a half later, he came back to office. He send me an IM telling me that we need to talk. I asked him why and what about. He just said, "It is something personal, I don't want to talk about it over YMessenger." So I reserved my questions until that said conversation. But I was not able to help myself, I asked him again what it is all about. Is it something about me, about us. When he said, "No baby, it is not about you. Please, wag kang mawawala. The pain is too much, baby I need you now.." I was really clueless why he was acting so strange that day, but I then decided to keep quiet.

I recieved an IM from him at exactly 3 o'clock telling me to come upstairs. When I saw him, I got surprised. He was frowning and his eyes were really sad which is so unusual. I didn't say a word until we reached Christ the King Parish at Diliman. He was focused driving our way there with teary eyed. I know he was just trying to hide his real emotion at that time to keep me at ease. Upon entering the church, he hold my hand and told me, "This church knows almost everything about me and my family." As we walked inside, he squeezed my hand then tears begun to fall. I still keep still. When we were inside, he seated next to me. As I was staring at the crucifix hanging at the middle of the church, he begun telling me what really made him cry.

And to my surprise, It was really hurtful. Then I know why he's really hurting. I almost cry but I try to keep the tears from falling. I don't want to add to his burden, I have to be strong for him. The reason of his grief - he lost his baby. It was actually more painful because he didn't even know that he's going to have a baby. And when he knew it, it was too late. Then he started questioning God why. He said something that touched my heart, "Baby, you know what.. When they told me about it, naisip agad kita. Gusto kita yakapin at iyakan." I was really touched. That made me realize that he badly needed me. I told him to stop questioning Him, instead try to keep his faith because there's a reason why He allowed it to happen - which is not to cause him pains and tears, but to make him stronger.

For a moment, I was just staring at him, wiping his tears. There's nothing I can do but to listen. I hugged him to make him feel that he is not alone - that his pain is also mine. I heartily felt sorry for him. He wasn't able to see his baby. It was so painful. I know he was hurt, surely he was and until now, I know he's still hurting.

Today is actually the 40th day. Forty days have passed and yet, the pain is still here. I know, I can feel the pain even from his voice. But somehow, I am glad because I know that an angel is now guiding him.