wishing....

Today is the last day of November. This month has been a dismal one. A lot of things has happened - things that made me smile, laugh, cry, love and...... numb. I honestly don't know how I was able to survive. I still do my routines, I still come to work and work productively; I still has smile on my face inspite of all the heartaches and numbness; and I still love him.

For awhile, I thought I was a woman with no direction at all after what happened last 11th. After hearing all those words and realizations, I felt so numb. I wanted to cry my heart out but tears won't fall. He said I am good in hiding my real emotions. And I wanted to tell him "you were wrong baby, I was just trying to help you, I don't want to add to your burden" but silence encompassed me that night.

As of today, I still stare at his picture before I turn-off. I still feel him inside me but I chose not to show it for now. Few things have to be considered with loving him, and a lot of things have to be done first to correct all our mistakes. First things first, as the saying goes. But there's one thing that bothers me everyday, he still wants me to stay. He still sends me sms, saying sorry because he's aware that I am irk with what he's doing with his life. I am still hurting, yet I decided to keep in touch with him. He needs me, and I am willing to help him in any way.

Baby, just don't let it come to a point where you can afford to lose yourself for someone who never prove herself much. You deserve to be happy, and sometimes letting go of seemingly good is the best way to achieve that happiness. Baka what you think is your "comfort zone" may be no longer comfortable at all. I just want what's good for you. Someday you'll understand what I am really trying to tell you.

For now, I am praying that I would heal...in God's time.